My Internal Pilgrimage
Nothing comes and goes other than our thoughts.
- Jack Kornfield
Camino de Santiago, the Way of St. James, is a sacred Christian pilgrimage walked by hundreds of thousands every year. Gratefully I chose the “Primitivo” route which is known as the original or native “way” and is much less traveled than the Camino Frances. That said, it is much less traveled because it is much hillier and harder than the others. Although for me, this solitude and incredible rugged beauty served to be just what I needed – a good butt kicking from Mother Nature herself.
To pilgrimage the Camino is to offer yourself a brief respite from the hustle ‘n bustle of everyday life and to have a time of introspective, where you have a chance to pay attention to the small things that we always forget in our busy lives. You get up, feel in touch with the Earth, breath, and observe yourself, your environment and people beside you. Then you walk, and think, and admire the day. You meet people in your Camino de Santiago and you really listen to them, you feel a connection with them, they are not strangers. You learn from them and care about them. You also get a taste of what it is like to worry about things you normally don’t in everyday life – wondering where your next meal is going to come from and will the next alburgue have a bed for you to sleep in or will you have to walk 7 more kilometers when you can’t walk another step.
They say Camino gives you what you need and I joke that I apparently needed my butt kicked. I say that truthfully for not only was it the hardest physical request I’ve ever put on my body day after day for 12 consecutives days, it was also the hardest mentally. The fortitude I had to pull up from within to get through was, for some reason, harder than anything I’d ever experienced before. The more I walked the more I realized what I have been seeking all along these past several years was not out “there” for me to find or experience, but rather it was always right here, inside of me. My pilgrimage wasn’t about my external experiences but rather my internal – and I struggled every day.
On my internal pilgrimage I realized that for me to continue searching externally for what is already within me, within all of us, only serves to continue my suffering and attachment to my ego mind. I realized that for me, awakening isn’t some enlightenment I am going to find out “there” which will enable me to lead a blissful life forever after. Awakening is my journey towards interconnectedness, it is my awareness of being one and yet nothing altogether. Not a state of mind nor a quest for me to “discover” – it has always been about being from within. And that my deepest awakening will come not from grasping or searching for something out there, pilgrimaging if you will, but merely from just letting go of what I hold on to most in here, inside myself.
